18 | "Good Enough Mom" vs "Perfect Mom"! three tangible steps beyond definition that helps you ease up on yourself and become a happier mom!

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Do you feel pressured most of the times about whether or not you're a good mom? 

You wanna be a so-called PERFECT mother, but you fail every time and this leads to your discontentment...

Do you wanna end this vicious cycle and become a GOOD ENOUGH Mom instead of a PERFECT mom, and finish this inner battle? 

in this week's episode we've talked about this topic which is a complementary topic to what we've talked about in our Mom talk this week (Dec 24th 2021). If you wish you can go and listen to this week's comunity session on instagram.

And Merry Christmas By the Way, I hope all the best for you and your family in 2022.

Hey Mama, this is Mama Nest and listening to another episode of this podcast. This episode number eighteen, and you're going to talk about perfectionism around motherhood. Do you also feel pressured most of the Times as a mom about whether or not you're a good mom or a perfect mom? In fact, all of us want to be a perfect mom, the kind of mom that we have always dreamed about being, and at the end of the day we find ourselves so miserable and, on the flip side, so imperfect and we're feeling really bad. What can we do to ease up on ourselves, and what is really the correct approach towards parenting? Be The best version of yourself. Mamma, I'm mahsa rezaei and welcome to Mamanest a nest for modern MOMS who are eager to achieve a simpler, more intentional life. In this podcast, we're going to rewrite the screen and reinvent the culture of Motherhood Together. Remember, becoming a mother is the beginning of our prosperity. Not Forgetting ourselves. A fulfilled, healthy, confident and productive mom is all we need to be to guarantee our family's future. I'm on a mission to make you feel in powered and less overwhelmed. Will focus on productivity, parenting, mindfulness, minimalism, sustainable lifestyle, financial awareness, besides family wellness. I'm here to help you brought a new horizon and gain clarity and showing up as your best mamaself. So let's build you out today. Let's dive into it. Hey, Mama, how are you doing? I hope that you're doing really great these days. And Yeah, this week's topic talking about perfectionism around motherhood. You know, this is the topic that I've reached to after this week's community session, our mom talk, which was about the definition of good enough mom versus perfect mom. You know, after this week's session, I was talking with some of you and you're told me that, okay, we understood that good enough mom is a better mindset to have instead of being a perfect mom, but what are some of the practical tips and hacks that we can use in order to become that good enough mom and in order to change this mindset of perfectionism in our mind around motherhood and I see that. Yeah, this is the very important topic that I need to talk about in this podcast,...

...and so today we are going to talk about more tangible in down to Earth approaches about this topic. You know, we've talked about the definition of good enough person instead of perfect person in this week's community session. You can go and listen to that or watch that in our instagram page. All of them are saved and so you can go and binge Lesson and Binge Watch every one of them, you know. But a quick recap of the definition of good mom. I told you that you really need to focus on becoming our better version every day and be satisfied with that level that we are in every day. You not just just making hard on ourselves because of not being the kind of ideal perfect person every day, and this is very true, especially very true in the role of motherhood and as a mom. We need to just be mindful of this. Verified that we cannot be a perfect mom at all. It is not attainable and if we want to just focus and concentrate on becoming a perfect mom because it is unattainable in it really leads to burn out. It really did leads to a lot of pressure on our shoulders and we find ourselves so miserable at the end of the day. We feel guilty and because maybe we are yelling too much or we're misbehaving with our children. And really this happens when we are making hard on ourselves and we are not managing our expectations, especially in the role of Motherhood, which is so critical and so important to a lot of us, to all of us in fact. You know, this is our first and focus priority. So we're so sensitive about being a hundred percent perfect, but it comes to the role of motherhood. But you know, we are human beings and we're imperfect. In fact, it is unattainable to be a perfect person because we do have lots of layers in our lives and lots of other roles and our lives that we need to joggle among all of them. So it happens that we feel guilty. Maybe I've heard about mom guilt, that mom guilt is real. Yeah, if we think it this way, yes, mom guilt is real, but let's go to the root cause of this feeling guilty, this feeling of being guilty that what is it that we're feeling guilty? The fact that...

...we are or just forcing ourselves to be a perfect mom and then we cannot achieve that ideal level in our life. And then we feel guilty about that. Is it really the correct approach towards parenting? Do our children really need perfect mothers in order to, for example, beat successful in their future life, in order to be self confident? I told you in the community session that no, on the contrary, it is not at all. The fact about this, I mean topic. We do not need perfect moms, we do not need perfect dads for our children to just feel the best, because we need to provide them the kind of atmosphere that make them prepared for entering the real world, and the real world is not perfect. So we need to prepare them for the imperfections of the world. We need to just prepare them for entering the kind of society with all of the challenges that it has. So my child need to see me in a way that is really conceivable for him or her that yeah, Mommy also make may make some mistakes, or so or mommy may have some challenges in her life, and this is completely acceptable and this is completely needing for our child to see this kind of behavior. So, considering that all of us are on the same page and do believe that perfectionism is not good and it's not acceptable, for especially their role of motherhood. We want to know that. How can we, I mean just change this mindset of perfectionism to becoming a good enough mom and just to ease up on ourself on a daily basis, because, you know, this is the trap that we are most of the Times, in, this trap of perfectionism, and so today we're going to talk about some practical steps. So, in the first place, I want you to accept that there will be some miss steps in our behavior, in our actions every day, and we need to show our souls forgiveness and compassion because of those maybe misbehaviors or miss steps that we've committed. You know, this is so vital to embrace our flaws, embrace our imperfections, because this is life and read are human beings. Human beings may make mistakes, may make, I don't know, incorrect decisions on a daily basis and, especially in a dynamic world that...

...we're in, it is so probable that we do commit some of that, I mean some of the kind of misbehaviors. And so, in order to show our souls forgiveness and compassion and in order to just prevent this feeling of guiltiness, we need to be mindful. Yes, mindfulness is a practical solution for this very issue, and we need to be mindful. You know, mindful parents are so much more successful and compared to other parents, we need to be a mindful person in order to just know that in every stage of our life, in every stage of our day and our relationships with the child, with our husband, with everyone, we need to know that, yes, this is it, I'm here, this is my feeling. Embrace your feeling and know that, okay, you are doing your best, but the result might not be that much perfect for you because you might misbehave, you might have some, I didn't know, imperfections in your decisions, and this is totally okay. So, in order to just build a better, I mean and more mindful version of yourself, you can do a wide range of activities. You know, there are a lot of advices out there day you can go and grant them, but I highly recommend these three actions for any mommy out there, because I do believe in them. It really helped me. Every one of these timmy tiny actions really help me to be more mindful in my life. And the first and foremost plant that I really emphasizing in it because it is so magical and yeah, it is miracle morning routine, and I do believe that if you, as a mom, have a miracle morning routine, means a sacred time of the day before your child just wakes up you. You wake up maybe thirty minute before your child and just focus on yourself, focused on your inner self. What is it that you're feeling at that moment? Maybe having some connection with God, have some deep insightful connection with yourself, you know, Talk With Yourself, maybe journal. This really helps you to find your feelings and to focus on your good feelings for...

...the rest of the day. It really pumps you up for a really energetic kind of day. The second action that I myself am so obsessed with is walking in the nature, especially, for example, early mornings when other people are still sleeping and everywhere is so quiet and you're just hearing the sound of the birds and everything is so authentic at that time of the day, and just focus on your thoughts, on your emotions and feelings and reflect on your behavior. And thirdly, if you're serious and you want to be a more mindful person, I highly recommend you to have a meeting with yourself every week in the form of a me time, you know, kind of meeting with yourself only, and reflect and review what have you done in the previous week and what you want to do in the in the next week, maybe saying some goals and reviewing what of you dawne, and reflecting on your behaviors and setting some new intentions for the week ahead. This was a total game changer for myself personally, because the moment that I made up my mind to have some sort of these meetings for with myself seriously, it really changed everything. Nowadays, in the list of nonnegotiable actions that I do every week, having a meeting with myself, one on one time with myself, is one of the nonnegotiable actions that I do on a regular basis. I have a block of time planned out at the beginning of day week and I know that at the end of the week, for example on Thursdays or on Fridays, I want to have a some sort of one on one time with myself. I go to a coffee shop, order my favorite coffee and then think about what have I done during the past week? What was the sort of mistakes that I've made, the kind of decisions, maybe the Miss Steps and at the end of that I have my weekly Wins Review. I write down all of the winds that I had at that week, every TV timey action that I'm pleased about doing them, every kind of, I mean trivial, achievements that I've had in the past week. I write all of them down and then I thank myself for all of the hard work that I've done during the past...

...week. So this is a really good practice for you. You might have your own approach towards becoming a more mindful person. Just go with it in whatever approach that you would like. Just try to be a more mindful person, because mindfulness is apparent superpower. We need to build our mindful superpower in order to become some sort of more satisfied and happier mom every day way. And the second recommendation is that, on top of becoming more micaul version of yourself, you need to become a kinder and more compassionate person towards yourself. Yes, be kinder to yourself. Maybe after committing any kind of misbehavior or MISSTEP, it is really the time to not just feel guilty but feel compassionate about yourself. Embrace your feeling. What is it that you're feeling at that time, and do whatever is really needed for you at that time. Maybe you need a rest, maybe you need to apologize from your children or your husband because of the behavior that you had. In order to just make you feel better and stop this feeling of guiltiness, do whatever that you want to do. Maybe you need just to grab a cup of coffee, everything going and walking in the nature, going outside. Do what is needed for you at that time in order to feel better, in order to be kinder yourself. Just respect your feelings at that time. Most of the Times, I can say that nearly ninety person of the time, it is the feeling of Burnouch, you know, we are be tired, your busted, and so be kinder to yourself, respect your feelings, respect your mental health, respect your physical health, and okay, the third recommendation is that being more present with your child or your children. Try to become a more present mom, and this really helps us in any way that you can imagine. You know, if we can try to become a present mom instead of always at home mom but not having an equality time with our kids, it really feels that gap among our relationships and it really can ameliorate the gaps in our behaviors, the gaps in our relationships with our child. And why do I mean by...

...that? is to have not quantity but quality time with our children. Maybe it is twenty minutes a day, that much short, just twenty minutes a day is really enough for our children to understand that, yes, they are our first and form of priority in life and they just need our full attention for short amount of time in order to be fulfilled, in order to feel fulfilled about their mother. But some of the Times or some of the days, we can find ourselves, and you can admit that it really happens, that maybe we are twenty four hours a day with them, but not having any kind of attentive relationship with them, just focusing on them, being present with them, and this is really awful because and not only our child gets disappointed of us, but also we feel guilty at the end of the day. We feel that we are not enough for our children because we didn't experience anything novel or unique with them, and we just need to put our mobiles away, get up social and without any screening, I mean screen time, just focus on our child, let our child be the leader and do whatever they want. If you have more than one child, it is recommended to have one on one time with each of the children, not just having, for example, twenty minute time with all of your three children. That is not one on one time, you know. So carve out some time for your child and just be committed to that quality time, because in the long run you would feel, you know, perfect, your better mom so if you also, like me, are kind of person that maybe some the times are just overlooking this quality time with your child, you can add into the nonnegotiable list of actions that you have planned for yourself the action that you need to do on a regular basis in order to feel fulfilled, in order to feel that all of your needs are met, and this is really important to to be taken into consideration. So bring all of those needs that you have in your life into your schedule, into your plannings, and then plan for them in advance and then commit to your plans and you'd see that after two or three weeks you feel really perfect about your role of motherhood and you feel that you're doing so much better in compared to the previous weeks or previous days.

So that was it. Some sort of tangible TV, tiny recommendations for you. I know that you all know about this stuff, but this might be some sort of trigger for all of us to just think twice it comes to the definition of good mom or best mom or better mom, and the pressures that we feel all the time on our shoulders. I hope that this week's topic was blessing you in some way. Also, we have community stations, so we can go and follow our instagram account in order to just be informed about those sessions. And at the end of this podcast, I wanted to wish you a very merry Christmas and a year full of happiness, joy and contentment for you and your family. Goodbye for now. Thanks for listening to the MAMMAS podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe. That way you'll receive fresh episodes every week. Did you know that together we can change the forgotti culture of caring and sharing a proof that we care for each other and ourselves? Just you need to head over to Itunes, subscribe and then leave a positive review so that many more women can benefit. The second way is to take a screenshout of this very episode. Tag Me at Mamma's official and go share it in your instagram stories. I truly look forward to connecting with you, so stay tuned.

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